The best that I can be

When I was in high school, I took my fair share of AP classes. I learned a lot, but there was always some element of learning to the test that would have to take at the end of the year. The problems we used in calculus were problems that previously appeared on an AP test. Our biology exams were actual old AP exams. I can’t tell you how many document-based-questions I answered in history. 

And now, as I find myself on the other side of the desk, I’m doing the exact same thing. I made my 4eme grade class do an activity on synonyms purely because I knew the concept would be on their exam. And I’m not secure enough in my ability to teach to not take my students’ exams grades as a direct reflection of my ability to teach.

It’s also, though, that I want my students to have the highest grades. I want to have the highest percentage of students passing my class. I want other students to want to be in my class. I’m a native English speaker, and I’ll be damned if my student’s aren’t going to be the best taught students, even if it’s just a comparison of grades.

I came to this school as a stranger with a different expectation of education and teaching and students than what was here. And when I arrived, my administration and colleagues and students had the impression that I knew what I was doing. I’ve had enough fumbles in the past 14 months that I’m trying to at least get this one thing right.